Today I turned 50. I havent really been looking forward to this day, but if the good Lord let me live this long, I am thankful for that.
I look back over my life and wish I had a couple hundred do overs. I am not entirely happy with a lot of decisions I have made over time. In fact, I am down right ashamed of a lot of things. The only solace I have is that I have learned a lot of lessons. Lessons that needed to be learned and have made me a lot wiser. And a lot more cautious. I used to live on the edge and that is not attractive to me anymore. Living on the edge the way I used to hurt myself and a lot of people around me. But I do like fun now--dont get confused because I am all about some fun!
Today, I am content with my life. For the first time I can remember I am not afraid. I used to get afraid when I got content. Afraid that when the next shoe fell the rug would be pulled out from under me and everything would be gone.
My life is simple and some people would say boring. But I am not bored. To be able to go outside and appreciate the things around me is a wonderful thing. To have the love of my friends and my family is the best gift I could be given. There was a time when I would not have been able to feel or see that.
I have been known to say I have the body of a 60 year old and the mind of a twenty year old. I think young. But I cant do the things I did physically at twenty. If I think about it that is not a true statement. I dont think like I did at twenty. Cause I wouldnt do the things my 20 year old mind would do! But I can say that I am a very open minded, forward thinking person. I love everyone that relates to me for who I am and I do the same for them. I move toward the kind, honest and sincere people of the world regardless of their color, nationality or sexual preferences. I recoil from the person who is dishonest, mean, liars and self centered people that only want what they can get from a person or situation. I always try to be a good friend and appreciate the value of a good friend.
Being 50 may not be so bad. I just dont want my life to be one year closer to the time I am gone. That is because I feel like I have just begun to appreciate what God has given me. I was told a long time ago and told more than once--Live in the day. Always remember that what I do today will directly affect my tomorrows. But enjoy the day!