Friday, August 22, 2008

Setting Bounderies is hard

Jeff called last night being really extra nice. I knew this meant he was going to ask for something. He wants to know when I will be coming back for another visit. He is wanting to see Heather again. He emphasized how he wanted to see everybody. This includes his mother.

I reminded him I was not going to bring her back down there after what happened last time. He went into all these reassuarances that she knew she had done wrong and it wouldnt happen again. Yeah right. I was assured it wouldnt happen the first time and obviously no one took me seriously. So now he doesnt think I should continue to make a big deal about it. He feels like I should just get over it. This irritates me to the point that my eye is twitching.

It seems his younger brother has been promising for a month to come and bring his mom and Heather down there. But he keeps putting it off so that is the reason for the phone call. I am always the one to call to save the day and give him what he wants.

It is not that I dont want to go back. I just do not under any circumstances want to go through what I went through last time with his mother. She is yet to call me and apologize and from the way he talked she is just "too embarrased by her actions" to call me and make things right. So that lets me know she really doesnt care how I feel.

Jeff wants me to come in 2 weeks. That is impossible. Kinzey and Owen are having their 3rd birthday and Mother is coming for a week. It would be October at the earliest. I havent told him this but he is not going to like it. He also is going to continue trying to persuade me to bring his Mother.

The people pleaser in me is faltering and causing me to feel guilty about this. I hate this side of me. It causes me to want to say "fuck it" and just go and do it so everyone is happy and thinking I am the best friend to have. Or the biggest idiot to know. The logical side of me makes me angry that he would even consider asking me to bring her back. So what I normally do in a situation like this is avoid the people that I dont want to dissappoint in order for me to keep my sanity.

I am going to let him know this weekend that it will be October. I am also going to tell him I do not want to bring his Mother. The trip may be cancelled all together and I will be left to feel bad because I have to set bounderies.

When does setting bounderies start to feel good?


Linda said...

Oh Lynn DO NOT bring his mother!! That was a horrible experience for you and everyone else. Flat out say NO! Let the brother who has been promising to bring her, bring her. Boundaries feel good when you set them, so let this be the chance to stick to your guns. You have very valid reasons for saying no, so don't let someone else manipulate the situation.
"Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me".

Lynnbug said...

I told Jeff I wouldnt be able to come down there anytime soon. I dont want to go right now even if she doesnt come. I got a lot of family things going on that I want to enjoy.

His mom has been calling me but I havent answered the phone. I have no desire to talk to her.