Thursday, September 25, 2008

Too Many Voices

There are so many things going on right now. Things I cant fix and I am terribly worried about them all. I cant really talk about them either. Someone very close to me is having problems with her marriage and there are a lot people I know that are either sick or have family members that are very sick. But it is the marriage that I worry about the most. I hurts me that this person is hurting so bad and is afraid of what will happen if her marriage fails. Her fear is becoming my fear.

It doesnt take much to make me worry and get down. So I decided I need to make a list of things I am thankful for.

Here goes:

  1. My family. I love my momma dearly and Amber is like my daughter. Owen and Kenzy are my heart. These things keep me grounded and happy.
  2. My job. I mean without it I would be in deep shit. Plus, for the most part, I love my job, my bosses are great!
  3. Lucky and Lucy. They may just be pets to some, but they are part of my family and they love me no matter what is going on with me. Totally loyal.
  4. My health. Even though it is not always great and I feel bad a lot, I am not going to die anytime soon and Im not headed for the nursing home.
  5. Tina--she is my BFF and even if we dont get to talk or see each other very often, she loves me and supports me in almost everything I do. Our friendship is probably the only unconditional relationship I have ever had.
  6. This Blog. This is where I can express my feelings, sad, happy, silly or just plain dumb. I dont have to be smart and I dont have to be eloquent. I can just be me. That is a good feeling.
  7. The poeple I have met as a result of this blog and the lives I read about in other blogs. I get a lot out of what I read on other blogs and I learn a lot. I also find out I am not always alone in what I have going on in my life and that helps a lot more than I knew it would.
  8. I am grateful there is a God that loves me. I am not religious, even though I have gone to church a lot. I dont go now but I am still very spiritual.
  9. I am grateful for today--it is beautiful and sunny outside and only about 80 degrees. It is really nice!
  10. I am grateful for the recliner cover mother gave me--it has a side pocket for the remote and other stuff I need to hide there. Now I dont have to put the remote in my lap and it doesnt get stuck in the cushion! ( I know what you are thinking-lame-but little things make me happy!)

Now that was hard. It was hard to think of 10 things to be grateful for. That is a shame. Maybe I should do this more often or at least put one thing I am grateful for down on paper every day. Most likely when I publish this a world of crap I am thankful for will come to mind. It is just that so much other stuff is in my head right now that my mind is spinning. The spinning means I need the medication I am out of and that depression may be right around the corner. I really need to get a regular doctor for this mess of a head I have! Too many storylines are being played out up there in my brain.

The weekend is coming up and Im not sure what it will bring. Hopefully something good! I have to work as usual but the weekend is still when I get to visit and hang out. (If anyone is doing any hanging out.)


Linda said...

Excellent post, Lynn! I think it is very important to show gratitude and come up with thankful things-even if at times it seems difficult. It's so easy to get caught up in every day drama (who doesn't)!
I spent many years being a rock solid worrier.(the years raising my boys alone)A friend gave me a gratitude journal one year for my birthday-what a gift! It was full of daily inspirations, and of course had space for me to profess my own gratitude. Just the fact that I felt like I was supposed to write something "grateful" every day, opened my mind. Seriously, some days the only thing I could come up with was that I had something good for lunch, but others the thankfulness just poured out of me. It is so good for the soul.

The Coconut Diaries said...

OMG! You are so right and this is the boost I needed today. I will try to think of my own list...thanks for the idea and I'm glad you were able to find things to put on yours.