Not My Momma

I found out about two weeks ago that Momma has this thing in her mouth, on her tongue. According to her it wasnt a big deal, and she never paid much attention to it. When she went to get her bottom denture plate repaired the doctor noticed it and send her to an oral surgeon.

This little thing in her mouth as she described it is quite large. It is about the size of a freakin spoon and it is growing from under her tongue up and over the top of the tongue. It is HUGE. She cant eat or taste anything. A biopsy was done and it is cancer. This "little thing" has been there for some time. This is what she says now.

So now a black cloud is coming on the horizon and I am terribly worried. There are more tests to be done to see if this has spread any where else and it will have to be removed and along with that a few lymph nodes to make sure it isnt there also. She will stay two nights in the hospital.

My mind keeps screaming that she is almost 85 years old. She has lost a lot of weight lately from not eating. I worry because she has let it live there for so long and just get bigger and bigger. I am trying to understand why she did this but I have to realize that a lot of people try to ignore these things and hope they just go away.

Tomorrow she will have the scan to see if it has spread. So there is a knot in my stomach and sometimes I panic and feel like I cant breath. Waiting for the results is horrible. It seems like forever until we know everything and where she stands with this.

I cant lose my Momma right now. I am not ready. For the past few years as she has gotten older and less active I have tried to prepare myself for the time when she may not be with us. I know that time is not on our side at her age. But when I am faced with the fact that she has cancer in her mouth and it could have spread it scares the shit out of me. I feel like a little child that is still so very dependent on her Momma. That is weird but I think it proves you never stop needing your Momma.