Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Is it Just Tuesday?

I will be glad when this week is over. I did a lot towards getting the apartment ready to move in this weekend. The move is this Sunday and I feel like I have so much to do, but I dont really. I have moved almost everything that will fit into my car over the past couple weeks. On move day there will be nothing but the big furniture left. So the move should be easy.No boxes - no junk. I have even hung pictures in the apartment. I have not done any cleaning in the kitchen and dining room. I may just wait until I get in the apartment to do that. I will be so glad when it is all over.

I took two of my friends from the park to help me Sunday. We got a lot done. The biggest thing was removing the remaining cobwebs. Unfortunately my girlfriend is just as afraid of spiders as I am. At one point she let out a roaring scream of shear terror. I was outside and when I heard her I realized she wasnt going to be able to help me with those. So I sucked it up and took over that chore while she unpacked boxes. Her son was with us and he was outside playing. At one point he came into the house with a freakin lizard. It was my turn to let out the scream of terror because I cant stand a lizard. My girlfriend grabbed the lizard and let it crawl all over her. She said lizards are great. Um. No. I dont think so. And how can you be afraid of a spider and not a lizard? They both crawl entirely to fast for me. They can sneak up on you. They look like a snake with legs. I could go on and on. I am just not a small creature person.

My next deal is I dont feel good. I am trying to get used to taking the insulin. The doc has me on one shot a day. I take it at night. I am sure that eventually she will put me on one shot in the morning and one at night. But right now I am having a hard time. In the morning when I get up my blood sugars are between 70 and 100. Not bad. But by the end of the day they are between 250 and 300. That is bad. I have been watching my diet and eating right so that is not the problem. The problem is my evening shot wears off. And when my blood sugar has such a high fluctuation in a 24 hour period--it causes me problems. I am tired, irritable, shaky, have blurry vision and headaches. My boss says my blood sugar is supposed to do that. Well, he is wrong. He is diabetic and he is only justifying his own problems with his blood sugar. I have been diabetic for 7 years and even though I just started insulin I happen to now your blood sugar is not supposed to vary that much. I am going to give it the rest of this week and if things dont change Iam calling the doc. I have an appointment next month but I cant do this much longer. It is too hard.

Next problem--My ex. He has been my ex for sometime. But he still calls when he needs something. He is really going downhill fast and he is an addict. I think he is finally realizing it but he wants me to help him. He wants me to call rehab. He wants me to take him there. He wants me to do all the footwork in addition to letting him stay with me until his name comes up on the waiting list to get in. He has lost all his identifications including social security cards. He want me to help get those back because he has to have them to get to rehab. Notice he wants me to do everything. My question is what has he done for me lately? I feel bad because I really want himto get better and at the same time I just dont feel like I am the one to help him. I cant do it. He plays me and I am not in the mood to be played. At the same time I feel guilty for not helping. Its crazy.

Next----my ex prior to above ex. I was with him for 13 years. He is James father--my stepson who just died. He calls me last night. He always calls from time to time. Mostly when he is single. He wants a booty call. He didnt say it last night but I know him well enough to know how he plays me also. See when James died he was with someone. Of course I didnt mention to the girl that he was with that no less than 3 weeks before James died me and my ex were seeing each other at least once a week. It wouldnt have been right and of course there were other things far more important. Like my feelings on being dumped like that and having to deal with a death of someone that I loved as if they were my own child by myself. It made the funeral awkward and my ex knows this girl was a shock to me. But I expect another call in about a week for the booty call. Not happening this time. I wont be one to fill in the empty spaces anymore. Of course I will feel guilty about that because he is still going through a lot with the loss of James and I am so co-dependent it is sickening. But right now I just dont want to deal with it.

I know this post is rambling but that is how my mind is working today. It just jumps from subject to subject and I am starting to want to just crawl in hole and hide. I get overwhelmed easily. The move alone is enough to wig me out completely. But with health problems and ex's coming out of the walls it just seems to magnify everything far more than it should. So I had to put it down on paper and hope I can ride the tide until it is over. Or until my effexor kicks in. Antidepressants can be a good thing.


Denise said...

Gawd Lynn,
hang tough girlfriend! Big hugss coming you way. Og and btw antidepressants rock.

Lynnbug said...

Im hanging. This is minor compared to your van being stolen and all the crap you have to go through on that one.