Then there is the fact that I am trying to move. Sunday is the official day and I am praying that it stops for at least that one day. I get too uptight when I am preparing to move. I have already begun the process by taking a car load at a time down there. I am very amazed at the amount of junk I still have. The memories I have held on to are being thrown out. I am taking steps to break the final ties to my last relationship. Which, by the way has been over for 4 years. But the ties are still there. For the life of me I dont know why.
Speaking of that old relationship, he called last night to tell me he was in love and getting married. Mind you it was only 3 weeks ago he called and wanted to move back to Birmingham and stay with me till he got on his feet. So this latest news is just another clue that he is running from one thing to the other to make his life right.
I think he wanted me to be sad about the news. I laughed. He was offended. I pointed out to him that he keeps jumping from one thing to the next. This girl is supposed to be the real deal. I asked questions about this poor victim and found out she was a Benefits Manager for a large oil company in Louisiana. Now if that is true, she makes a lot of money. So this only tells me that he has not changed and she is looking like a really soft pillow to fall on when he busts his ass again. I was that pillow at one time and when I lost my big paying job and the money was gone so was he. Like a blink of an eye. So much for better or for worse.
So for all the time that has past by he still is the same.
Out go more memories with little regret. I am keeping nothing to remind me of this painful time except the ashes of his father that he has left in my care. That is out of respect for his father. Not him.
I dont know why I have held on to this thing with Jeff. I loved him dearly and it was without a doubt one of the most destructive times in my life. I dont talk much about the hurt I have felt since he left. I havent because I cannot explain why I loved him so much. Why I could love someone who totally ruined me and left without a word is hard to explain. Since I dont understand these feelings I am sure no one else would. So I have kept a lot of things to myself.
Today I continue throwing out the past. I continue to move past things. I feel like I am going to be free soon.